Depressed people

empathize with each other;

not compete

who’s more miserable

than the other.

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The Act of Sour Graping

You and your friend took up an exam to your top choice University. Weeks later, you received an email from the said school saying that you passed but when you asked your friend, he said he didn’t. Instead of showing how frustrated he was that he didn’t make it while you did, he just said the school isn’t his top choice and it’s yours anyway. Your friend is in a situation where he is sour graping.

Sour grapes is a term derived from Aesop’s fable, The Fox & the Grapes.

Illustration by John Rae, 1918

The Fox & the Grapes

A Fox one day spied a beautiful bunch of ripe grapes hanging from a vine trained along the branches of a tree. The grapes seemed ready to burst with juice, and the Fox’s mouth watered as he gazed longingly at them.

The bunch hung from a high branch, and the Fox had to jump for it. The first time he jumped he missed it by a long way. So he walked off a short distance and took a running leap at it, only to fall short once more. Again and again he tried, but in vain.

Now he sat down and looked at the grapes in disgust.

“What a fool I am,” he said. “Here I am wearing myself out to get a bunch of sour grapes that are not worth gaping for.”

And off he walked very, very scornfully.

Illustration by John Rae, 1918

 

The Fox and the Grapes gave way to the term “sour grape” which the Merriam Webster defined as disparagement of something that has proven unattainable his criticisms are just sour grapes.

Sour Grapes and Sweet Lemons

Neel Burton M.D. explained that these are just some of the various ways on how people tend to rationalize a situation that is hard to accept (sour grapes) or “to make it seem not so bad after all (sweet lemons)” in defense for someone’s ego.

In the case of the fox, he perceives himself to be agile and clever but he cannot reach the grapes on the branch (dissonance). Instead of accepting the fact that he was not good enough to reach the grapes, he rationalized the situation with the thought that the grapes are sour anyway. This lessens the dissonance and in defense to his ego or self-image.

When people can’t attain something they want, they put it down.

When people can’t attain something they want, they put it down,” said Joshua Spodek. “The greater the discrepancy, the greater the need to resolve the internal conflict, so the less secure the person, the deeper the insult.”

Most people do sour graping for them to just brush off the negative situation that has happened instead of accepting the painful truth and hurting their ego. In a person-to-person situation such as liking someone, this can be more risky. For instance, you like someone but that person rejected you and told you that he/she prioritize his/her studies first. Instead of accepting the reason why you got rejected, you thought he/she isn’t cut out for you anyway, and started calling him/her a nerd, wimp and many other insults. Now the person you like before will feel bad about the things you told, and the long argument goes on.

That’s how people cope up with things they can’t have in order to please their discomfort or not hurt their ego.

Human beings are not rational, but rationalizing animals.

“Human beings are not rational, but rationalizing animals. If they find it frightening to think and painful to change, this is in large part because thinking and changing represent major threats to the beliefs that make up their sense of self,” said Neel Burton M.D.

People who tend to sour grape will do this in the long run, they will always tend to rationalize things that they can’t have by sour graping. If they won’t then they have to accept the painful truth and cope on the situation by changing themselves, adapt on why they were not cut out for it and may even result to their improvement, which is in fact, even a better way rather than putting down things to conform on one’s ego.

 

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Featured photo source: miriadna.com

Illusion

“Everything is just an illusion,” he said, smiling at me. The wind on a 16-story building was cold and strong that it almost blew me off my feet. He leaned against the railing and looked at the people below. I followed.
 
None of them could notice us and take even a short glance.
 
“They don’t care about the people around them, including us. Because we are not part of their world. They go on with their lives thinking that each day is different and new but the truth is, they just go around in circles. They are bound to do certain things, and discard those that they are not made for.”
 
I stared at him and he returned my gaze.
“You know what? I want to be a bird. I believe I can do it. If I won’t try to fly then I wouldn’t know, right?”
 
He stood on the railing, tiptoed. He closed his eyes and spread his arms.
 
He let the wind blew him away, and fell head first.
 
Now, people took notice of him. He has become a part of their illusion, something that is hard to forget. Everyone below paused. Mouths were open but there was no sound. Eyes stare blank, like machines that hang from a glitch.
 
I wish he really became a bird in his illusion.
But in mine, he was just a rotten egg who thought he became a chick.
 
An now his yolk is spilling on the streets.

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featured photo: Artwork by Asano Inio

Girls will always be dumb in love

Okay. We know it’s mean, but it’s the truth. Girls, including me, will always be dumb in love. We know that we tend to follow our emotions rather than following what’s practical, ethical, right or what our mind dictates us. We do not listen to anyone and sometimes would go kamikaze for the sake of pleasing what’s in our hearts. Sometimes the choice is worth the folly, and sometimes it isn’t that even years have passed we still regret that decision every time we remember them.

Continue reading Girls will always be dumb in love