The Act of Sour Graping

You and your friend took up an exam to your top choice University. Weeks later, you received an email from the said school saying that you passed but when you asked your friend, he said he didn’t. Instead of showing how frustrated he was that he didn’t make it while you did, he just said the school isn’t his top choice and it’s yours anyway. Your friend is in a situation where he is sour graping.

Sour grapes is a term derived from Aesop’s fable, The Fox & the Grapes.

Illustration by John Rae, 1918

The Fox & the Grapes

A Fox one day spied a beautiful bunch of ripe grapes hanging from a vine trained along the branches of a tree. The grapes seemed ready to burst with juice, and the Fox’s mouth watered as he gazed longingly at them.

The bunch hung from a high branch, and the Fox had to jump for it. The first time he jumped he missed it by a long way. So he walked off a short distance and took a running leap at it, only to fall short once more. Again and again he tried, but in vain.

Now he sat down and looked at the grapes in disgust.

“What a fool I am,” he said. “Here I am wearing myself out to get a bunch of sour grapes that are not worth gaping for.”

And off he walked very, very scornfully.

Illustration by John Rae, 1918

 

The Fox and the Grapes gave way to the term “sour grape” which the Merriam Webster defined as disparagement of something that has proven unattainable his criticisms are just sour grapes.

Sour Grapes and Sweet Lemons

Neel Burton M.D. explained that these are just some of the various ways on how people tend to rationalize a situation that is hard to accept (sour grapes) or “to make it seem not so bad after all (sweet lemons)” in defense for someone’s ego.

In the case of the fox, he perceives himself to be agile and clever but he cannot reach the grapes on the branch (dissonance). Instead of accepting the fact that he was not good enough to reach the grapes, he rationalized the situation with the thought that the grapes are sour anyway. This lessens the dissonance and in defense to his ego or self-image.

When people can’t attain something they want, they put it down.

When people can’t attain something they want, they put it down,” said Joshua Spodek. “The greater the discrepancy, the greater the need to resolve the internal conflict, so the less secure the person, the deeper the insult.”

Most people do sour graping for them to just brush off the negative situation that has happened instead of accepting the painful truth and hurting their ego. In a person-to-person situation such as liking someone, this can be more risky. For instance, you like someone but that person rejected you and told you that he/she prioritize his/her studies first. Instead of accepting the reason why you got rejected, you thought he/she isn’t cut out for you anyway, and started calling him/her a nerd, wimp and many other insults. Now the person you like before will feel bad about the things you told, and the long argument goes on.

That’s how people cope up with things they can’t have in order to please their discomfort or not hurt their ego.

Human beings are not rational, but rationalizing animals.

“Human beings are not rational, but rationalizing animals. If they find it frightening to think and painful to change, this is in large part because thinking and changing represent major threats to the beliefs that make up their sense of self,” said Neel Burton M.D.

People who tend to sour grape will do this in the long run, they will always tend to rationalize things that they can’t have by sour graping. If they won’t then they have to accept the painful truth and cope on the situation by changing themselves, adapt on why they were not cut out for it and may even result to their improvement, which is in fact, even a better way rather than putting down things to conform on one’s ego.

 

__________________________________________________

Featured photo source: miriadna.com

Advertisements

Are you adult enough?

Living on your own, paying bills, and cooking your own food are some of the things that the younger generation of millennials usually consider as #adulting. When you’re in the brink of adulthood, you’re going to be bothered by the thought of doing responsibilities as a grown up and ask, “have you really grown up?” Continue reading Are you adult enough?

Cradle

tambayan
“Cradle” by Marian Geadeth L. Solis, taken on May 2017

Does it look creepy? For me, it’s not.

A few years ago when I was still a student of this school, I used to stay here during my free time, lunch and even when I’m waiting for my service to fetch me. This four-seating table saw me grew up, and before it looked like this, those two trees were not green – they only have few leaves, enough to give me some shade and sun to give me some light while reading or writing.

It saw me cried when I broke my heart over my first love. It was when I thought our feelings were mutual, turned out that I’m the only one who had romantic feelings for him.

It saw me gained and left by friends. This is where we hang out, shared some secrets, ate together, had fights and talk nonsense.

It saw me broken. When I lost my diary somewhere near the field, only to find my precious notes scattered on the ground, flying and drawn with stupid things. I saw these girls left the place, looking at me like they didn’t know it was mine that they ruined. I still hate them for doing that to me.

It saw me left. After graduation, before my family and I left the school, I went to this place once again. I closed my eyes and felt every emotion that it absorbed from me through the ages.

Only the words thank you came out of my lips.

Simon

dogge2
“Simon” by Marian Geadeth L. Solis, taken on May 2017

Meet our dog, Simon. He was born on the 15th of January 2015. I remember it so well because it was one of the three-days visit of Pope Francis in the Philippines. By that time I was one of the cadets in our ROTC training, volunteering as one of the helpers of AFP in the Quirino Grandstand.

Days later, my father and I visited my grandmother’s house and two little pups welcomed us home – one of them was him. Ever since he was a pup, he’s very loving and  a food lover. We thought he was just a normal aspin (asong pinoy) but it turned out as he grew older and changed coat, he was a half collie breed.

He likes eating fish, and loves to welcome his family when he hears them coming home. He wags his tail wildly and would sit beside the person on the couch.

When I first tried to take a picture of him, he seemed awkward. He never looked straight at the camera whether I use my phone or DSLR. Now, it seems like he got used to it already.

By starting to take picture of him, I started to love dogs more. Fluffy fur, round eyes and moist nose – who wouldn’t love them?

Being Single

I am a part of the small percentage of single people, believe me.
I had no boyfriend since birth and I had never been into some serious relationship. The only thing I can say that’s close to it is when I had been into a mutual understanding with a guy, which turned out to be using me to rebound his pain of rejection from the girl he really liked.

I can hear you, yep, my first love kinda sucked.

I also grew up seeing my parents fight in front of me, and they had these fights only because of one thing – money. Mom and dad would always talk to me and lecture me about marrying this type of spouse who will blah blah blah. Apparently, due to their constant fights I decided that I’m not going to marry anyone and just be single until the day I die. Yes, I do wanted to have a boyfriend, but I guess it’s just for me to get an experience, and as of now I do not see that kind of relationship blooming deeper to the point that I’d be considering to marry someone. I’m planning to get lots of cats, and I’m going to treat them as my children. I don’t feel the need to have a husband because I don’t like the thought of me being inferior to my partner (kinda feminist with the touch of pessimism).

I tried imagining and thinking what it’s like to be in a relationship – a boyfriend or a girlfriend whatever. You know, those typical naïve thoughts about sweetness, hanging out and cuddling because I don’t have any experience. I had A LOT of crushes, but even I show them that I’m interested in them, none ever showed some signs of being interested in me. I’m not ugly but I’m not pretty either, I can say that my features are quite normal, but I still wonder why some people get a boyfriend and why can’t I.

A few years later, those thoughts were drained from my mind and I tried to be happy for couples and I stopped showing my interest in guys. I tried to be happy for myself being single, but there are times where you really can’t stop thinking about what if’s.

Recently, I’ve met my cousin after several months of being separated. I remember one of the questions, I asked him if he have a girlfriend, and he said none. I asked, “Why?” He just shrugged and said that his life was much better without one. He implied to me that having a boyfriend/girlfriend was like adding another problem to your current pile of problems.

Getting into a relationship feels good only at first.

Those are his words that I can’t and will never forget.

Is having a relationship only good at first? Then after the next few weeks or probably months, does it bring nothing but headaches and consistent fights about the same problem?

Probably you shouldn’t believe my answer on this because I am inexperienced but for me, fights and problems are part of the relationship. They are part of it, to test if these two people who are currently in love with each other are ready to sacrifice and/or carry one another no matter what happens.

I have seen a video article that talks about “being happy and contented in your life as a single can attract other people who can be a prospect partner”. But how are you supposed to entertain another human being when you’re already happy and contented with your life? There’s a large possibility that the interested person will be turned down or friend-zoned.

I’ve read another article about a hundred old woman telling her secret to long life is being single. The idea is the same with my cousin’s – that getting into a relationship only brings stress and therefore, somewhat decreases your lifespan a little bit.

Just remember this dear people, no matter what decisions you wanna do with your life, do it. Having romantically involved with someone and its effect on your life still depends. If you think it’s toxic, then it will probably shorten your life. Later on you’ll realize that maybe you think it’s killing you because you’re not really meant for each other. If you think you need each other and you have this irremovable bond, and no matter it takes, no matter how many times you’ve been into a fight but damn you still love him/her, then I guess you’re gonna live a happy life.

______________________

featured photo source: rover.com

Girls will always be dumb in love

Okay. We know it’s mean, but it’s the truth. Girls, including me, will always be dumb in love. We know that we tend to follow our emotions rather than following what’s practical, ethical, right or what our mind dictates us. We do not listen to anyone and sometimes would go kamikaze for the sake of pleasing what’s in our hearts. Sometimes the choice is worth the folly, and sometimes it isn’t that even years have passed we still regret that decision every time we remember them.

Continue reading Girls will always be dumb in love